I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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