curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
