Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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