Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
