I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
