Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
