hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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