he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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