oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
