It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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