The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
