Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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