How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
