Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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