No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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