I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
