if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
