can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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