Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
