i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im holly from the hills drunk
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
