that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
