were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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