Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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