All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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