She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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