I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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