nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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