i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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