what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
