My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
