please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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