In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
