No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
