And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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