i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
