so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Text me some of your sweat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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