Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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