Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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