kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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