Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
