babies were throwing up all over the place
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
