Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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