Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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