i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
