i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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