i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
