His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
