yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
