The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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