she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
