im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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