brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
