so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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