You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Found the puke drawer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
