Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
