Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bring me that man meat
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
