are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I could fuck to npr.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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