He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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