I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My feet surprised me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
