he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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