Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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