Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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