dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
