even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
