Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
