im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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