remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
