My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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