she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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