WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
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I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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