You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
